Behind every family is a collection of stories, conversations, and acts of care that shape how children come to understand the world.
In her debut picture book, I’m Not Cooking This Up, author Roxanne Toh explores a reality familiar to many families: balancing the demands of work and family life, and helping children understand why the people who love them cannot always be present in every moment.
Ahead of her upcoming reading at Sea Apple, we spoke with Roxanne about the inspiration behind the book, the stories her family returns to, and what writing for children has taught her along the way.
Qn: Can you tell us about the moment or conversation that first sparked this story?
Ans: I think it's a sum of all parts over the years - conversations with the kids about what we do, helping them understand why we can't be somewhere when everyone else is, organising childcare with family when we have to be at work, and acknowledging my husband's role in taking care of the family. My late father gave hundred percent and more to both family and work, and his life story also served as an inspiration.
Qn: Children often notice things adults overlook. Is that something you've experienced in your own family?
Ans: There's a lot of truth in walking the talk and practicing what you preach, so when we hold the children to a certain standard , we need to be sure that we can apply it to ourselves. When my husband and I fall short, we apologise and ask for our children's support to remind us. It's a great opportunity for us to reiterate that we are a team and we look out for one another.
Qn: You wrote this book for children, but was there anything you found yourself learning as an adult while writing it?
Ans: Yes, for sure. I learned that I can't have it all, and that it's ok to say yes to help of any kind! I also learned that I am important , so I'm not going to let my coffee go cold because my daughter insists on a game of chess the minute she wakes!
Qn: Has becoming a parent changed the kinds of stories you feel compelled to tell?
Ans: Yes! I love telling my children about my own experiences when I was their age. I find it particularly meaningful whenever we are on the roads and I point out certain landmarks that feature prominently in a certain experience/memory - doing so gives the children a chance to ask more questions and allow their imagination to run free. When I was younger, I also found it hard to discuss about my feelings especially when I was angry, nervous or sad. As a parent now, I'm often drawn to books like Owl Babies, Ready Rabbit?, Have You Filled A Bucket? and How Many Hugs? - in hopes that my children don't feel singled out just because they feel a certain way, and knowing that home is their safe space.
Qn: What are some books your family returns to again and again?
Ans: When the girls were younger, some of their favourite titles include One Kiss, One Hug by Jason Chapman, The Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson , Beautiful Oops by Barney Saltzberg and I Love You Already by Jory John & Benji Davies. They are all terribly dog eared now and I'll do my best to preserve them till my ten month old is ready!
Qn: What do you hope stays with readers after they turn the final page?
Ans: I hope they ask to read it over and over again! More importantly, I sincerely hope they come to understand that the person serving them food at their next family dinner, the airport staff checking them in on their midnight flight and the bus driver on the last bus home, may be spending one less morning/evening with family. Let's make the effort to be kind to one another - you never know how much it'd mean for the person.
Qn: What are you looking forward to at the reading?
Ans: I'd love to hear from children what they enjoy doing most with their parents and maybe what they'd like to do when they grow up!
Join us on Sunday, 28 June for a special reading of I'm Not Cooking This Up with Roxanne, followed by an opportunity to meet the author.
We hope you'll come along for a morning of stories, conversation, and community.
Register here.
